"The thief comes only to steal, kill and destroy"... John 10:10
NO, I didn't have a baby from being raped but oddly enough, I did start babysitting again 9 months after that incident.
So now it's May 1985, I am 14 and I'm finishing up the 8th grade. I begin sitting for a family...I had known the wife who was 39...we grew up on the same street.
Since being raped...I now realized that I had what it took to get a guy's attention...I had been sexually abused off and on for over 10 years by this time. I have to say that I didn't even have to "try" to do anything to get this man's attention...it just "happened". He was 42, we had JUST met...I mean as in within an hour, his wife left us at the house with the kids while she did some running around...I was also hired to help with her home based business. She brought me to her house, introduced me to her family who was all outside, she left and the husband within an hour came into the bedroom where I was working and began talking to me...I was standing up at the time and he just walked up and planted a kiss on me. This was the beginning of our 1 1/4 year affair.
I'm not sure HOW these two events (1. being raped by a 29 year old and 2. having an affair with a 42 year old) seem so different in my mind but it must be because one seemed to be about power & control and the other seemed to be about love & acceptance (of course that was a "false" love - but one of making me feel good at the time).
Of course we didn't stop at a kiss and within the week we were having s*x...this was the FIRST time I had s*x since being raped...now I feel just AWFUL about the affair but back then...I was looking for love in ALL the wrong places. I didn't have love and affection coming from my dad and sexual abuse/rape takes you either 1 of 2 ways... 1. promiscuous or 2. never wanting to have sex again.
Unfortunately for me...I became promiscuous.
I find it interesting that most everyone in the comments section of Sheila's post concerning babysitting and part of my story of being raped, picked up on the fact that their husband's shouldn't drive their babysitters home alone. This became our time to "be" alone...he would drive me home and we'd stop behind the school and we would have sex.
He told me he loved me, he always treated me special but after 1 1/4 years...I realized it wasn't like he was going to leave his wife for me and I didn't know how to end our relationship. In August of 1986, a friend of mine got murdered while babysitting. This really freaked me out and scared me so I decided that I'd quit babysitting.
And, that was that...but it was only the beginning of my promiscuity. Not sure how much more of my life story I will share...thinking back is rough and the healing is painful.
So thankful that God sent Jesus Christ to bare all of my sins and set me free to enjoy life to the fullest!!!
